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Page 394

January 18th, 2013, 9:00 am

Average Rating: 5.00
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Author's Comments:

Reply Haunshaul, January 12th, 2013, 12:32 pm

And here's the actual end of the chapter. I know that the bro hug would have been a good way to end the chapter, but it was more necessary for the next chapter to have this whole dispute resolved. Plus, it would have been awkward to start the next chapter with the apology. Sorry if this isn't as good, but this is the way it has to be.

For those of you curious about my feelings on this chapter, it was incredibly hard to write. I had to make a lot of hard decisions and changes to balance the emotional part of Haun's outburst as well as the fact that I want to keep the overall tone fairly lighthearted. Do I think this is award-winning writing? Not really. But I do think it was important for me to experiment with, and hopefully it wasn't a failure. Really, I want this to be a stepping stone for future emotional scenes. I also hope that the majority of my readers are satisfied with the explanations this chapter gives regarding a lot of the questions they've been having.

Thank you all for reading, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter.

Reply Advertisement, July 23rd, 2019, 3:35 pm

User's Comments:

Reply Zelkova, January 18th, 2013, 9:33 am

I believe someone already said this but I would have to agree that Haun's personalty is the most realistic. Maybe even more so then TY.

Reply Ginchiyo, January 18th, 2013, 9:40 am

that was easily expected. thats the word you should hear. . .ow

Reply Haunshaul, January 18th, 2013, 4:36 pm

@Zelkova: That's really cool to hear, actually. I want to be able to create realistic characters, as well as entertaining ones. Next step: having both of those things be in the same character. =P

Reply Miles Hikari, January 18th, 2013, 5:20 pm

I agree, Haun's personality is the most believable of them all. Not an easy thing to do so I have to say congrats man.

Reply ozymandias_jones, January 19th, 2013, 6:06 am

Although most of the time I really like the pacing and drip-fed storytelling of a daily update schedule, the one area I’ve found annoying is that it seems difficult to make a proper critique of the story at any given point, because so little will have happened since the last page most of the time. For this reason, I’ve decided I’m going to start posting a review of each chapter at the end of it so that I can tell you what I liked about the chapter, and how I think you can improve.
First of all, I have very few negative things to say about this chapter, it’s probably been my favourite so far, and I like how you have the courage to put plot progression on hold for a while and develop the characters. Before this chapter, I had nothing against Haunshaul, but I found him a little bland and uninteresting, but this after this chapter I think I will see him in a new light. The reaction of the pokemon to the death of their team mates is very often not approached in nuzlockes, aside from some glum expressions and a little crying, but Hauns reaction here was extremely realistic. In a very similar way to that short story you posted on deviant art a while ago (which I have reviewed on that in case you didn’t notice), despite the fact I have no experience of the type of situation Haun is in, I felt that the chapter touched me on a personal level. The only tiny criticism I could pick out is that Haun’s reaction here is nothing like his reaction just after the deaths of Erin and Jasmine, although now I think about it, even this isn’t really a valid criticism, as it was clearly explained that this emotional outpouring was a result of all the deaths, including those two’s, building up, and he had been putting on a brave face previously.
Ashlyn’s introduction seems promising, although for a chapter in which everything that happened was a result of her, we know surprisingly little about her so far other than that she’s shy, and that she knows Marston for some reason. Given that you dodged the question of how they met, and the question about Marston’s hat in the questions section, I expect you’ve planned to include that story in the main comic at that point, and I hope it brings some development to Marston, who we also know very little about. By the way, I really liked the interactions between Haun and Marston in this chapter, and although they seem to have reached a bit of a truce, I hope to see more of them interacting soon.
Although this was primarily a serious chapter, there were some very funny moments as well. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before, but while most nuzlockes rely on taking cheap shots at flaws in the games for their humour, I really like how most of your humour is built on character interactions, which is much funnier, and much harder to do. I particularly liked the tail end of the conversation we caught between Rorschach and DJ, and how it referenced the bonus comic, which in itself was also hilarious.
In conclusion, this was a really, really good chapter, and I really admire you for taking the time to slow down and take a serious look at the characters.

Oh, and in response to your comment at the top of the page, I did at the time think that the hug would have been a really good end, but I agree there were things that needed to be ironed out and brought full circle before the chapter could end. This chapter was a bit of a risky move, but I think it has really worked.

Reply Haunshaul, January 19th, 2013, 1:49 pm

@ozymandias_jones: Thank you for that input! I'm glad you recognize that it's hard to give significant praise or criticism to a daily comic until an entire chapter/story arc has been completed.

I'm also pleased you noticed that I've been trying REALLY hard to make my comedy come from things that aren't in the game. Basically what I do when I'm planning jokes and things for the comic is I look at what all the other Nuzlocke comics have pointed out and move as far away from that as possible, unless I can interpret the overused point in a new way. Like how so many people make fun of the fact that you just hand a Pokemon a TM disc and suddenly they know Earthquake, and I went for a different interpretation of the whole TM dynamic.

I'm glad you actually took a critical look at Haun's breakdown this chapter and how it relates to the previous parts of the story that led up to it. I'll grant that it's not quite as obvious that he was stressed in the earlier parts, because in the first few months of the comic I hadn't resolved to go so far into characterization. But I hope in hindsight it doesn't look too out of the blue, and it looks like I avoided that pitfall.

But anyways, thank you so much for this, and I look forward to the review for the next chapter!

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