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Page 478

April 12th, 2013, 9:00 am

Average Rating: 5.00
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Author's Comments:

Reply Haunshaul, March 15th, 2013, 1:35 am

There's a reason this chapter feels incomplete. And you'll see why very soon. Trust me.

But anyways, go ahead and comment on what's been presented to you so far. Thanks guys! You be awesome!

Reply Advertisement, July 20th, 2019, 1:22 pm

User's Comments:

Reply Ginchiyo, April 12th, 2013, 9:41 am

Right. . .part 18 over. . next!

Reply ozymandias_jones, April 12th, 2013, 2:27 pm

This was a bit of an odd chapter I have to say, but it definitely had it's good parts. It was a nice concept to split the team up into pairs (especially since you put in some interesting pairs like Gerald and Marston, where you could easily have put Marston with Ashlyn, and Haun with Gerald). The problem was, for a chapter which was so clearly about character development, it all seemed a bit rushed, where I think it needed to slow down and take it's time. I don't mean to sound too critical, as I did enjoy the chapter, and I'm not sure what else I would suggest. This chapter was about as long as any single chapter could have been, but it certainly would have felt dragged out to have a whole chapter devoted to each duo and what they get up to. Really though, it was pretty good, I just feel you'd rather I point this stuff out so you can improve (which sounds really stuck up of me since you're a brilliant writer already, but I can't think how else to put it, sorry).

The best bit by far was the Gerald and Marston interaction, which was really nice to see, we've needed a bit of Gerald character development for a while, especially since he's been so hung up over Blu. Although not quite as obvious, I think Marston opened up a little too, I don't think he would have offered Gerald genuine advice when he was first caught, although it was a bit blunt. Actually, I'm surprised he was as sensitive as he was, I expected he would have made a bigger deal out of the fact Gerald only knew Blu for 3 hours. I hadn't really known that it was that short a time in-comic. It kind of makes me look at Gerald in a new light, I can't help feeling like he's that sort of person who feels like he needs to be in love with someone, so he projects it towards the first person he meets. I'm probably wrong, but it will still be interesting to see where he goes from here, now he's supposedly over Blu, if he finds someone else to fall in love with.

The bit with with Chester and Rorschach was very funny, but I though that it got cut off with Rorschach noticing Aqua just before he could have got some interesting development, as it's still pretty much a mystery as to how his mind works. It's was completely in character for Rorschach though to cut it off like that; it's going to be really difficult to actually give him some proper development, as he's the only one on the team who will never just open up and admit their feelings. I'm sure you'll find a way around it though, and I look forward to it.

The little bit we got of Ashlyn and Haun was nice too, although I think that Ashlyn was really the one that needed development out of the pair rather than Haun, I'm still waiting on that Maston-Ashlyn history explanation. Still, I wonder if they got any actual training done, I wouldn't wan't Ashlyn to get too underleveled. Like the Rorschach and Chester bit though, this was pretty rushed.

One way this chapter could have worked a little better (in my opinion), would be to have only followed one Pokemon, possibly Marston, so you could have spent a bit more time on the Gerald and Marston bit, and then seen the rest of the chapter from Marston's point of view, which would probably have been a bit disorientating, and quite funny. Mind you, you did say we were about to find out why it felt incomplete, so I'm looking forward to seeing where this is going, plus I'm looking forward to seeing DJ confront Aqua again (or be really annoyed if she misses the entire thing).

By the way, does anyone on the team actually know anyone elses name? Since I'm hoping this team will stay pretty constant for a while, I'd like to see the members get a bit closer, but that's just a small thing.

Reply Laufente, April 12th, 2013, 3:42 pm

My review is much better and more fleshed out than ozymandias' - here goes:
crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcr apcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap!

(Just kidding, of course :3 )

Reply Haunshaul, April 12th, 2013, 4:50 pm

@ozymandias_jones: Yay review!

Yeah, I was debating making this chapter longer, but I thought it would feel too weird having a 40+ page chapter when all the others have been 30 or less. Plus, Ty did mention that he would be back in like an hour, so how much development could have really happened? =P But I see what you're saying.

Interesting take on Gerald's personality. Guess you'll have to wait and see how correct you are.

Also, I think you should look at that scene from a different angle. Just a thought. I was very purposeful about the wording and imagery for that area, because I was trying to make a point.

Yeah, I know, Ashlyn hasn't had a lot of character development yet. There's reasoning behind that, though it's not reasoning that can be well-explained and probably won't be understood. But it's coming.

I like the idea of focusing on a single character, and I've tossed that around a bit in my head. Maybe someday.

And yes, most of the Pokemon know each other by name. Marston intentionally doesn't use their real names to be more jerkish, Chester has a thing for nicknames and titles and such, and Rorschach just does whatever he wants...soo.... Oh, Rorschach. =P

Reply Miles Hikari, April 12th, 2013, 6:12 pm

Well now I finally get why it was called duos. Rorschach and Chester, Tyton and DJ, Marston and Gerald, and Haun and Ashlyn.

Reply Zelkova, April 12th, 2013, 6:29 pm

@ozymandias_jones: "would be to have only followed one Pokemon, possibly Marston, so you could have spent a bit more time on the Gerald and Marston bit, and then seen the rest of the chapter from Marston's point of view"

That remind me of what they did with Earthbound (Mother 2) and Mother 3. Have different views mix together for a final mixture of ideals and reasons. It could be great if Hauns pull it off but with so many characters as it is I don't think it would have work out in this case. Hauns should be catching more Pokes and it already been proven that Tyton don't have to catch them personally so we can only expect more characters to be added even if left unused.

Reply Guest, April 13th, 2013, 5:24 am

@Haunshaul: Which scene is it which you think I should look at again? The Marston and Gerald one or the Rorschach and Chester one?

Oh and by the way, the godspeed trilemma is no more, we've had confirmation that it's a new form. What a shame.

EDIT: Oh, this is ozymandias_jones, I forgot to log in.

Reply Haunshaul, April 13th, 2013, 1:18 pm

@ozymandias_jones: The Gerald/Marston scene.

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