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Page 510

May 14th, 2013, 9:00 am

Average Rating: 5.00
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Author's Comments:

Reply Haunshaul, May 13th, 2013, 8:11 pm

Aaand chapter end! Finally! This is the new longest chapter, at 32 pages. I don't want to make a chapter longer than this, because 32 is a pretty standard length for a comic book. Thanks everyone for reading! =)

Additionally, just for clarification, only the point-related prizes expired yesterday. Prefects and Slytherins can still submit their single-page requests and art collab ideas for a while longer.

Also, if anyone was unable to respond to the PM within the timeframe for a significant reason, I can discuss it with you individually. I've been pretty swamped myself so I'm not in a position to be super strict on the rules.

Finally, the new contest was posted late yesterday afternoon.

Reply Advertisement, July 18th, 2019, 2:34 pm

User's Comments:

Reply Lucario01, May 14th, 2013, 11:43 am

@Haunshaul: It didn't feel that long. :o

Reply coldhotshot, May 14th, 2013, 12:36 pm

Team Leader? Your comments?

Reply ozymandias_jones, May 28th, 2013, 2:01 pm

Ha, I bet you thought I'd forgotten, but no, you were wrong, it's belated chapter review time!

This was, in my mind, a chapter of three parts.

First, the bit where Ty was chatting to DJ, it was good, since you brought up all the main points of the argument I could think of. I had honestly given up on the possibility that DJ might be trained before this, but I don't know how you're going to get out of this one other than to train her. It makes sense, given that you're going past that point in the game, but I can't see why you would train up DJ unless someone else had died, so I hope that doesn't happen. Nonetheless, I'll feel a little cheated if DJ doesn't get trained at this point.

The middle part in the Mart was pretty jam-packed with jokes, which was quite funny. I wasn't so keen on the whole dancing routine, but DJ's reaction to it made it all worthwhile, and I also enjoyed pretty much everything Haun did in this chapter. I wasn't quite sure what the point of the map guy was though, maybe he'll have significance later on. This scene did seem a little patchwork to me though, I can't put my finger on quite why.

The next bit was by far my favourite part of the chapter. That page with the picture of the mountains and just a small text box at the bottom of the page really changed that tone and added some drama, and the pages which followed seemed like by far the darkest of the comic so far, in a good way. The Kappa seemed interesting, I wonder if he'll ever turn up in the comic again. I wasn't sure how I'd feel about you having two Pokemon of the same species, but I think it worked, you made it fairly clear that Gerald and the Kappa were very different, plus the glasses reflection thing was nice.

Overall, I found it pretty hard to get into this chapter to be honest, but that's probably more to do with my being pretty busy than anything else. If I had to offer criticism, I'd say that while humour and darkness often go together quite well, having Ty follow a trail of blood in the same chapter that the Mart employee sung a Taylor swift song felt a bit unbalanced. I'm really enjoying where the next chapter's going though!

Reply Haunshaul, May 28th, 2013, 4:43 pm

@ozymandias_jones: You bring up some interesting points about tone. I agree that it felt unbalanced, and looking back on the chapter I think I might have crammed too much in, which added to the unevenness. However, I purposefully made the tone change more dramatic because of how rushed everything is. When Ty went to the Poke Mart, he didn't think anything was going to be going wrong. Neither did the store clerk. So it sort of shows how quickly everything can collapse around you.

But I do agree that it felt a little disjointed.

When this coming chapter is done, I have a proposition for you regarding these reviews. So I'll keep you posted.

Also: Where you been?!

Reply ozymandias_jones, May 29th, 2013, 5:39 am

@Haunshaul: Sounds interesting! Sorry, I've had lots of important exams recently, so I've been really busy, but the last one's on Tuesday, so after that, I should be back to normal.

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